So what do you do all day?

I've had mostly positive responses from people when I tell them I've left my job, but the one phrase I've come to roll my eyes at is this:

"Oh so what are you doing with yourself now you've become a lady of leisure?"

Relatives, ex colleagues mostly, anyone with an opinion. After the fourth or fifth person saying this in a matter of days it starts to get really old. I've started to get a little bit defensive about it. Mostly because the same people that said "good for you" when I left work are the ones saying it! I guess it's just the assumption that because I'm not going out to do any kind of paid work, I am not working. I just sit on my arse all day, apparently.

I'm still figuring out what I'm going to do with my life but in the mean time I'm going to have a bit of time to myself to get fit and strong, and to watch my daughter grow up. Is that OK? I think it's because I feel like I have to justify my decisions, like women don't get judged enough already but after children they seem to be like fair game. I don't know if it's just that we read about how other people have experienced parenthood and expect the same for ourselves. One thing this mum stuff has taught me is that no size fits all, all kids are different. And once I accepted that Ada is not a carbon copy of every kid the same age, things became a little easier.

So I'm going to sit back and enjoy being a lady of leisure by having a small glass of sloe gin and tonic before we eat dinner. Only one though, no one likes a pissed up parent!

Welcome to my world

I originally started a blog after my daughter was in born in 2012. It contained a lot of heavy stuff relating to me and my acceptance of being a parent. I unpublished from Blogger because it was just too personal. I wasn't quite ready to "put myself out there" as they say. I hope to publish those posts at a later date.

Having survived that unexpected pregnancy, adjusting to being a mum, postnatal depression, body issues, work stress and unidentified tummy troubles, I am trying to find and build a new me.

I won't lie, being a mum is flippin' tough. Every day is a new challenge, some days go swimmingly, other days not so much. I am lucky I have a very good partner in crime and he has supported me every step of the way. I feel like I need something for me outside of being a mum to my daughter. My purpose here is to share with about how I've found an unexpected allie in the ever so scary world of the gym! As well as those days where I am up to my eyes in crafts/toys/mess at home with the toddler.

I'm so excited about my new life as a stay at home mum, but I know my daughter loves going to nursery two days a week and we're going to keep her there for as long as it suits us all as a family.

Goodbye Old Me

Back in May after much deliberation I resigned from my job as a Dispensing Assistant for a rather large health and beauty company. I'll be honest the pay was terrible, my development had taken a back seat since the baby and it was above all, stressful. I went back three days a week after my maternity leave, I managed nearly a year of working those days and hours. Then with talk of cut backs I offered to drop a day from my hours in February this year. But to be honest, it was the beginning of the end. I enjoyed being at home more than being at work. My health was suffering. Being on your feet all day, standing on a concrete floor for seven and a half hours, is not good. Aside from the bad back, aching feet, I just felt exhausted all the time after working. Some weeks it'd take me a whole day to feel normal. And you can't go back to bed when you have a toddler to look after! On top of that I was losing weight due to IBS, sometimes triggered by too much dairy or spicy/strong foods. But often it was because of stress from my job, forcing myself to do something that deep down I was not enjoying. I felt like shit.

I did a couple of sessions at the gym a while back, my partner had gym membership and took me on his "bring a friend friday" session. I was quite nervous,  I was worried about how I looked, if people would look at me whilst I was all sweaty. I felt quite vulnerable but I ended up enjoying it. The endorphins were flowing. I went back to few more times after I left work and now we have a gym membership together, which is great. It's two mornings a week where we get to spend some quality time doing something we both enjoy, together. And I can take the toddler swimming for free whenever I want!

Countdown to thirty

On Friday the 13th June I turn 30 years old.

Two weeks ago I gave my work my four weeks notice. I'm going through quite big life changes at the moment. I've had a wobble or two, mostly about the quitting of my pharmacy job. Several questions have been running through my head...

Is this the right thing to do?

Am I being totally reckless leaving a job in this day and age?

What will my family think? 

Have I just wasted 4 years of my life in a job that hasn't taken me very far? Oh lordy. 

I've realised the last few weeks that the only thing that's been holding me back is myself. It feels absolutely liberating to have finally admitted to myself that I wasn't happy and things needed to change. 

I still haven't quite figured out what I'm going to do but I feel like there are many possibilities. My number one priority is my daughter, I don't want to upset her routine. She's staying in nursery for the two days I would be working so I can, dare I say this, have a bit of time to myself to figure things out. 

My last working day is the 11th June. Pretty good birthday present I'd say.